Wellness Resources: Crisis, Suicide & Self-Harm

This page includes the following resources:

How to help yourself   |  How to help a friend  |  Ask us for help  |  Helpful Apps

How to help yourself

What causes suicidality

Suicidal thoughts and behaviors are usually caused by a combination of factors. While there are some things that can make a person more vulnerable to distress and hopelessness, they do not cause suicide directly. 

Factors that can influence suicidal thoughts and behaviors include:

• Genetics
• Trauma
• Mental illness
• Attitude and willingness to seek help
• Coping skills
• Family/support networks
• Stressors and life challenges
• Bullying or stressful peer relationships
• Substance misuse 

Though anyone can experience thoughts of suicide, some factors increase the risk of suicidal thoughts, behaviors, and actions:

• Losing someone you know to suicide, especially a family member
• If you have attempted suicide in the past
• If you identify as LGBTQ and have faced hostility or rejection from your support networks
• If you have a history of self-harming behaviors

Thoughts and behaviors

When we feel hopeless or overwhelmed, we may start to have thoughts of suicide. With the right treatment and support, you can overcome feeling suicidal. Below are some common signs that you may be considering suicide.

How you may feel:

• Extremely anxious, agitated, irritable, or angry
• Persistently sad or depressed
• Extremely up or down in mood
• Hopeless, trapped, or without purpose
• Like a burden to others
• Numb or not interested in the parts of life you usually enjoy

What you may think:

• Having thoughts of death, ranging from passing "what would it be like", to specific "how and when"
• "My friends and family wouldn't understand" or "would be so disappointed in me"
• "There's "no way out" or "it will never get better"
• "I'm a burden" or "my friends and family would be better off without me"

How you might behave:

• Driving recklessly, such as driving under the influence or without a seat belt
• Increasing drug or alcohol use
• Engaging in unsafe sex
• Starting or increasing self-injury
• Changes in diet, either restricting your eating or binge eating
• Changes in sleep patterns, either sleeping too much or too little
• A sudden shift in behavior from agitated or angry to very calm or "at peace"
• Talking or posting online about death or violence

Passing thoughts of suicide can get worse if they are not addressed. If you are struggling with any of these feelings or behaviors, it is time to reach out for support.

You can ask for help from friends, family you trust, and mental health professionals such as a therapist, psychiatrist, or case manager. When you're ready, use this JED Campus Guide to walk through how to tell someone you're thinking about suicide.

Managing suicidal thoughts

Just like any other illness, you can manage symptoms of suicidality. Here are some tips for keeping yourself safe day-to-day.

Figure Out the Sources of Suicidal Thoughts

Together with a therapist or counselor, try asking yourself questions like:

• “When is the first time I can remember feeling like this?”
• “Do I want to end my life, or do I no longer want to be in pain and ending my life is the only way I can think of to stop feeling it?”
• “Was there an event or change in my life before I started feeling like this?”
• “Do I feel worse after a particular trigger? Is this trigger a person, an experience, or a certain topic?” These questions can help you figure out how to reduce stress or avoid situations that trigger suicidal thoughts.
• “Do these thoughts come and go or are they always there and getting worse?”
• “Is there anything that makes me feel better or forget about my suicidal thoughts?” This question can help you explore coping strategies you can use when you are having suicidal thoughts.

Create a Safety Plan

A safety plan includes a list of support people, resources such as hotlines and text lines you can reach out to, affirmations you can use when you are struggling, and ways to reframe your thoughts to find hope in moments you feel unsafe. Learn how to create a safety plan.

Restrict Your Access to Things You Could Use to Hurt Yourself

While you are in treatment for suicidal thoughts or behaviors, it is important to restrict access to dangerous substances or tools that can be used to attempt suicide. Ask a person you trust to help you remove or restrict your access to things like knives, firearms, alcohol, and medications.

Reduce Your Stress

Once you have a better idea of the things that cause you to have suicidal thoughts, it’s important to find new ways to reduce your stress and cope with negative feelings.

• Keep a social schedule. Have regular activities with people in your social circle, like weekly phone calls, coffee dates, study groups, or group exercise classes.
• Try a new hobby. Creative hobbies such as painting, drawing, writing, or singing can help you express your feelings in a new way.
• Keep a journal. Use a journal to write down your thoughts and feelings, both the negative and positive.
• Exercise. Move your body in fun ways to release “feel good” chemicals. Try not to judge your fitness level, just find a way to move your body that’s fun for you (e.g., dance, walk, do a YouTube fitness video, or go to the gym).
• Use breathing exercises to release stress and ground you in the present moment. 
• Practice mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness meditation focuses your attention on your breath and remaining present, and it can help lower your anxiety levels.
• Spend time outdoors. Walk or sit in nature (e.g., backyards, parks, or green spaces).
• Engage your senses. Focusing on what you can see, smell, taste, hear, and touch can help you stay in the moment. Look at art you think is beautiful, listen to music you enjoy, use soaps that smell good, cuddle with blankets or soft stuffed animals, and keep your favorite snacks handy. All these experiences can bring you out of your head and into the present moment, where you are safe.
• Make a “coping kit” for difficult days. Include foods and other items that give you comfort. Add photos of your friends and loved ones to look at and kind notes to yourself to read when you are struggling.

How to help a friend

If someone you know is struggling to cope, it can be challenging to know what to do. Use this section to help you identify and support a loved one through thoughts of suicide.

Learn the Warning Signs

We all experience hardships—life transitions, job stress, family, break-ups, etc. For the most part, the impact of these challenges will be temporary. We might have a tough day, but will generally be able to bounce back. But if someone exhibits significant or extended change in their mood or behavior, it may be a sign that they are struggling emotionally.

It's important to remember not to diagnose or try to "fix" your friend. It is more helpful to let them know that you've noticed a change and to let them know you are on their side. A key indicator that someone is in severe distress is when the mood or behavior doesn't go away when the source of their stress has passed.

Change in behavior:

• Self-isolating from friends, family, hobbies
• Change in appetite, sleep, substance use
• Risky behaviors

Change in mood:

• Extreme or prolonged shift in mood--hopelessness, anger, aggression, worry--or even sudden positivity or peacefulness
• Trouble coping with small challenges
• Joking about what it would be like if they didn't exist anymore

Change in appearance:

• Poor hygiene
• Extreme or sudden weight gain or loss
• Appearing tired all the time

Change in speech:

• “I’m worthless/a failure.”
• “I can't do anything right.”
• “What’s the point?”
• “I don't want to be here anymore.”
• "I'm a burden/it would be easier if I wasn't around."
• Complaints about physical ailments (constant headaches, exhaustion, or stomach cramps)
• “I hate myself.”
• Posting online or as homework: dark poetry or quotes, disturbing songs or videos
• Using hashtags or links to unusually dark or violent topics

How to Help/What to Say

Trust your gut. this can be difficult because we don't want to risk embarrassing or offending a loved one, especially if they say they are "fine". If you know your friend well and your instinct is telling you that something is off, it is always better to say something. 

Invite them into a comfortable space

Let them know that you are concerned without applying too much pressure. For example, try "I've noticed you don't seem like yourself lately. I would love to check in and catch up. When are you free?"

Offer to meet in person or over the phone. Plan to meet in a place that is conducive to privacy: go for a walk around the block, invite them to lunch at your house, or go out for a coffee date at a quiet cafe. Avoid loud, crowded places.

Express your support

Use active listening: make eye contact, sit facing them, put away your phone. Lead by telling them you are here for them, and you want to support them however they need you to.

Listen to the feelings they are expressing and validate them. Don't dismiss or diminish their feelings by saying things like "things will get better soon", or "I know how you feel". Try "thank you for trusting me with that story. That sounds very hard." It might be tempting to go into problem-solving mode and offer solutions, but try to sit in the awkwardness and discomfort. Let them lead you at their own pace.

Name your concern

Name the specific behaviors that have been causing concern. Generalizing or diagnosing someone's behaviors can feel like an accusation and may not align with what they are feeling. Pointing out specific words or actions can help a friend understand why you have perceived their behaviors as concerning. For example, "The other day, you made a joke about wanting to die, but it didn't seem like a joke." or "I've noticed you stopped coming to practice, and it doesn't look like you've been eating much lately. Is something bothering you?"

Ask the direct question

Once you have opened a dialogue, it is okay to ask them outright. If your friend is already thinking about suicide, you asking about it will not cause them to act on it. If you ask the question and they were not thinking about suicide, you will not put the thought into their head.

Some questions to ask:

• Are you thinking about taking your life?
• Do you have a plan?
• Do you have a date?
• Do you feel unsafe right now?
• Are you thinking about/are you hurting yourself?

Continue to offer support

Make a plan to check in with them regularly, and stick to your word. Tell them you are going to text them once a week just to check in. If they are receptive, you may want to refer them to therapy or offer to call 988 together. Ask them what you can do to help them get through this and feel better.

If your friend is not open to help or does not want to acknowledge that they are struggling, keep trying. Continue to treat them like a friend. Invite them to do fun and relaxing activities together, rather than always focusing on heavy topics. Continue to check in on how they're feeling in a casual way.

If their behavior persists, you have made repeated efforts to encourage them to seek help and they still refuse, or you don't feel comfortable starting the conversation in the first place, that's okay. Reach out to a friend, family member or co-worker for help. Report to Bruin REACH, or call 988 to speak with a counselor. Your friend may be upset or angry that you "broke their trust", but most people will eventually understand and appreciate that you did the right thing and that it was unreasonable of them to expect otherwise.

Take care of yourself

Supporting a friend who is struggling emotionally is hard. You may experience your own feelings of distress and overwhelm. It's important to make sure you are accessing your own support system and setting healthy boundaries so you can sustain through the process.

• Make time to replenish your social battery and practice self-care—watch a favorite movie, maintain an exercise routine, get plenty of sleep.
• Reach out to people you trust—share the emotions you are feeling and ask for the support that you need. Speak with a counselor about how you are being impacted.
• Know your limits—your friend can't get through this alone, and neither can you. If your friend reacts angrily, violently, or becomes extremely needy (e.g. "you are the only one who understands, I need you to keep this just between us. I'll get help, I promise, I just can't do this without you right now.") Tell them you are unable to be their sole support person and encourage them to seek other outlets, like crisis counseling or wellness resources.

Ask us for help

Case Management at UCLA Extension

The Extension Response Team (XRT) is a group of professional staff who are charged with responding to reports of students who may be in distress. The XRT is responsible for providing training and resources for the Extension community on assisting students in distress. The resources in this section provide guidance for concerned peers and employees.

If you wish to report a behavioral health concern to the XRT, please use the Incident Reporting Form and a member will contact you.

Additional resources:

• Bruin REACH Peer Support Guide (PDF)
• Bruin REACH Assisting Students in Distress (PDF)

Suicidality Self-Assessment Tool

Suicide Behavior Questionnaire-Revised (SBQR)

If you'd like to speak to a wellness advisor at UCLA Extension who will help you find the appropriate support, email us at CSR@uclaextension.edu

Helpful Apps

The following are available for free on Apple and Google Play/

• Calm Harm provides tasks to help you resist or manage the urge to self-harm, including: ‘Distract' helps in learning self-control; ‘Comfort' helps you care rather than harm; 'Express yourself' gets those feelings out in a different way; ‘Release' provides safe alternatives to self-injury; and ‘Breathe' to help calm and get back in control.
• Suicide Safety Plan is a mobile application that allows users who are at risk of suicide to produce customizable plans with their provider and family. Suicide Safety Plan also offers a “Guide” section which educates users on various topics such as coping, recovering, creating a safety plan, suicide prevention, and additional resources.
• What’s Up is an amazing free app that uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) methods to help you cope with Depression, Anxiety, Stress, and more. Use the positive and negative habit tracker to maintain your good habits, and break those that are counterproductive. We particularly love the “Get Grounded” page, which contains over 100 different questions to pinpoint what you’re feeling, and the “Thinking Patterns” page, which teaches you how to stop negative internal monologues.

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